


please heal me of what i have got

by theyoungv_eins



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: I'm tired, M/M, Prison-Era, angst???????, struggling robert, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungv_eins/pseuds/theyoungv_eins
Summary: “Y’know, my son loves you,” Chas tells him carefully. She reaches out with two hands and places them over Robert’s, half expecting him to pull away. He doesn’t. “And, as much as we hate to admit it, so do Liv and I. You’re part of this family now - you’re a Dingle - and we all care about you.”--robert has a bit of trouble coping. people notice





	please heal me of what i have got

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is uhhhhhh i don't even know  
> i haven't proofed this and it's 3:30am and i'm just glad to have it over with  
> i started this a LONG-ASS TIME AGO  
> i hate this a little bit ngl
> 
> title from [road train gone by by keegan joyce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EfJlHV2dN0)

Liv finds him sitting on his own.

She walks into the living room, dumps her school bag on the ground next to the door, and then she stops. Robert is sitting on the couch, staring down at his hands. He’s so still that Liv’s hardly convinced he’s breathing for a second, but then she sees his hands twisting his ring around his finger. She sighs, and shuffles closer.

When Robert turns to look at her, the first thing she notices is the dark circles under his eyes. He obviously hasn’t slept. How long has he been sitting here for? She can’t help the look of pity that crosses her face. Robert’s her family and she loves him, and she never sees him like this. She doesn’t want to see him like this, because he’s been so strong for Aaron through everything. It just doesn’t feel right.

“He’ll be out in no time,” she says, because she’ll be strong for the two of them, if she has to be. She knows that it won’t feel like ‘no time’, for anyone. It’s going to be hard for both her and Robert, and Chas, and Paddy, and everyone else on the long list of people who care about Aaron Dingle.

“Yeah, I know.” Robert shifts over on the couch so Liv can squeeze in next to him.

She’s slow and cautious about it, but Liv leans into Robert’s side. “We all miss ‘im,” she says, quietly thrilled when Robert wraps an arm around her shoulders. She fits under his arm perfectly, and it feels right. He feels like a brother. And it’s not like she’d ever admit it, but she loves him like one, too. Now, more than ever.

\--

Adam practically has to force him to stop overworking himself.

With Aaron gone, it’s just Adam at the scrapyard. Pete and Dan offer to help sometimes (even Ross tries to find some work there), but Robert usually offers first. It’s fine with Adam, since it’s cheaper to have Robert help out, but it’s getting far too obvious how much he’s starting to strain himself.

Robert spends most of his time yawning, or rubbing his sore muscles, but then he still insists on making all the phone calls, or stripping whole cars by himself. Adam can hardly get anything done himself, because Robert always beats him to it.

It takes Robert nearly dropping an engine on Adam’s foot for him to finally snap. “ _God_ , Robert. I reckon you’re a right git, but I don’t want you hurtin’ y’self like this.”

“What are you on about?” Robert asks, looking at Adam like he’s gone crazy. Adam brushes off his incredulous stare with ease, and grabs him by the shoulders.

“ _Look_. D’you think Aaron wants to come back to you, half dead?” Adam tells him, and shoves Robert’s shoulders hard enough that he stumbles backwards. “Take a few days off – M’fine on my own, alright?”

“I don’t need time off,” Robert stresses. As if right on cue, he fights off a yawn. He doesn’t even have the energy to bother trying to hide it, or explain it away. “I’m fine”

“If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for Aaron,” Adam says. They stare each other down, both unwilling to back down. Determined, Adam adds, “And for Vic. You have no idea how much she’s worryin’ about you these days.” He pauses. “We’re all worrying about you, y’know?”

That gets Robert to back down, at least a little. “Fine,” he says. He rips his gloves off and throws them to Adam. “But I’ll be back on Monday. And you’d better not slack off.”

\--

Nicola catches him sleeping on the job.

There was meant to be a truck in Manchester an hour ago, but it’s nowhere to be seen. Naturally, she’s pissed. It’s her day off.

She has full plans of barging in that dingy little cabin and giving Robert a piece of her mind. She even spends the travel time practicing the smug smirk she’s going to give him after she’s done. Just the thought of giving him the same _irritating_ smile that he gives everyone else is enough to keep the adrenalin coursing through her.

Nicola swings the door open, satisfied as it slams against one of the desks. “Robert Jacob Sugden, you have some explaining to do.”

Now, Nicola knows that Robert making a mistake isn’t something that happens often. Or ever, for that matter. He’s a good businessman, anyone can see that. But now, seeing him jolt awake at his desk in the middle of the work day. She knows that something isn’t right.

They spend a few moments just kind of staring at each other. Neither of them know what to do.

It’s Nicola that pipes up first, though. “There was a truck due in Manchester _one hour_ ago.” It’s not exactly what she’d planned – not even close.

Robert swears and frantically starts rummaging through the mess of papers on his desk. He reaches for the phone, and Nicola chooses not to make any comments about the state of his workspace.

He’s just about to dial when Nicola finally speaks again. “Robert, are you okay?”

Robert looks up at her, holding the phone frozen a few inches away from his ear. “Yeah.” He sighs and drags a hand down over his face. “I’m doing okay.”

Nicola nods slowly. “Call the client and go home. And get some sleep. Jimmy’s already useless as it is, I don’t need you falling behind, too.”

Robert gives a half-assed laugh and nods. “I will,” he says. “I’m really sorry about this.”

“It’s okay. I’ll let you off, just once. Just don’t let this –” Nicola points all around Robert’s general area, “– happen again.”

Robert nods, and gives her a short smile. “It won’t.”

Nicola flicks on the kettle and sits down while Robert calls the client back. She’s feels sorry for him – of course she does. Anyone can see how much he’s missing Aaron. Hell, he obviously can’t even sleep with him gone. She watches him gather his coat and make his way to the door. “ _Sleep,_ ” she stresses.

“I will,” Robert reassures her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As soon as the door closes behind him, Nicola lets out a huge sigh. She’s got a big mess to clean up.

\--

Aaron notices that there’s something wrong in a heartbeat.

All it takes is a quiet “hey” on the other side of the phoneline for him to catch on.

“I’ll be out in no time,” he says, because it’s all he can think to say to reassure his husband. It’s not enough, he knows, because they both want him out _now._ God, they want that so much.

Robert nearly laughs. That’s exactly what Liv said. “Yeah, hopefully,” he tells Aaron. “I’m working on it. Just trust me, alright?”

“Always,” Aaron says, and Robert can hear his smile. He closes his eyes and tries to imagine it. Was it a sad smile? Or one of those _Aaron_ smiles? The one he reserves for Robert and only Robert. He doesn’t know which one would hurt him more.

“Are you alright?” Aaron asks, after a while of silence.

“Are you?”

“Not if you aren’t.”

“I’m fine.”

“Robert,” Aaron says, firm, because he knows him well enough that he doesn’t believe a word of it.

Robert sighs, quiet and shaky and _broken._ “Really. I’m okay,” he says, and it’s barely even a whisper.

“Adam told me that you were overdoing it at the scrapyard.”

And, yeah. Maybe he has been overdoing it a little. He’s spread himself far too thin, even by his standards. Between working at both the scrapyard and the haulage firm, looking out for Liv, and trying to get Aaron out as soon as he can. He finds himself making countless phone calls during the day, and the insomnia during the night certainly doesn’t help. If he can’t sleep, he’ll just work some more. He’ll research some more; he’ll sit and stare at the wall some more.

 _Maybe_ he’ll admit that it’s a bit much. But does that mean he’ll stop? Not a chance.

“I might be a little.” There’s no point in hiding it from him. What good would that do?

“Robert…”

“I know,” Robert sighs. “Don’t worry about me, I’m okay.” He’s not, and he knows they both know it.

“I’ll always worry about you, Rob,” Aaron tells him. Robert can hear him shift the phone over to his other ear. He hesitates. “I’ve gotta go. There are people waiting for the phone.”

“Okay,” Robert says. There’s never enough time. _There will be_. Soon. He just has to keep telling himself that. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Aaron tells him quietly. “I’ll call back tomorrow, alright?”

“Yeah. Bye. I love you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Aaron hangs up. Twenty-three hours, fifty-nine minutes, and thirty-two seconds until they get to speak again.

Robert lets the phone slip from his hands, and doesn’t even wince as it makes contact with the table.

\--

Chas finds him crying.

It’s unexpected, because Robert has always been so strong. He did a good job of keeping it together for Aaron, but now…

Now he’s bent over the kitchen counter, at two o’clock in the morning, muffling sobs into the back of his wrist.

It breaks her heart.

Robert Sugden, who’s usually so calm and collected, and is being strong for all of them, is crying in her kitchen. In the past, she would have thought he deserved it; would’ve even told him so right to his face. But he doesn’t deserve it. Not this time, because he loves her son so much and so fiercely, and it’s tearing him apart that he’s not here. Chas can see that, now.

When Robert notices that she’s there, he straightens up, wiping harshly at his eyes. He takes a few moments to catch his breath, and says “Sorry,” as if he needs to apologise to her.

Chas coos, shifting into mother-hen mode. She’s at Robert’s side in no time, reaching up to put a hand on his face. “I know how much you miss him, love,” she says, and Robert leans into her touch. She looks up at him; at his red eyes and flushed cheeks, the darkness of his eyes.

He looks heartbroken. Chas knows how much he’s been missing Aaron – it’s obvious, if you’re looking. Spacing out all the time. The dark circles under his eyes, making him look much older than he should. The way he sneaks downstairs to sleep, because he can’t stand to be in their bed without Aaron. And not to mention the things she’s heard from pretty much everyone Robert spends any amount of time with these days.

“Sit down, I’ll make you a brew.”

Robert reluctantly sinks into one of the seats at the little dining table. They’re both silent as the kettle boils, and they remain that way until Chas sets two cups down in front of him.

“We’re all worried about Aaron,” Chas says. She sits down next to Robert.

Robert nods and wraps his hands around the steaming hot cup. He takes a sip, barely wincing when it burns his tongue. “He’s strong.”

“He is,” Chas agrees. There’s another moment of silence before she adds, “We’re worried about you, too. All of us. _Especially_ Aaron.”

“Aaron doesn’t have to worry about me.” Robert shrugs. He puts the cup down in front of him, and as though Chas didn’t just find him crying alone in the kitchen, says, “I’m fine.”

Chas sighs, deciding not to fight him on it. “Y’know, my son loves you,” she tells him carefully. She reaches out with two hands and places them over Robert’s, half expecting him to pull away. He doesn’t. “And, as much as we hate to admit it, so do Liv and I. You’re part of this family now - you’re a _Dingle -_ and we all care about you.”

Robert looks down at their hands. He loves them, too. Of course he does.

But there’s still a big part of him that wants to do everything by himself. Looking after Liv, keeping both the scrapyard and the haulage firm running smoothly, getting the new house ready for them to move in, getting Aaron out of prison as soon as possible. Because if he’s doing all this, he’ll have no time to feel sorry for himself.

It’d be so easy to just tell Chas all of this, too. Just, _I need a little help._

But he doesn’t.

He just smiles at her, and says, “I’m okay.”

Because, even though Aaron is the strongest person he knows, Robert will still be strong for the both of them. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> hey thanks for the read B)  
> find me on tumblr: [@wefllag-n](http://wefllag-n.tumblr.com)  
> (i need a url change)


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